Have you ever taken a taxi where one topic stumbles into an uncontrollable spiral of one sided talk. Now you gotta understand something about me that all my friends know. I may be chinese on the outside, but except for times of divine intervention where I manage to order a packet chicken rice for the hawker centre uncle..I'm illiterate in that language. And even more so for dialects. Anyway, back to my taxi ride

I was on a job to deliver something parcel to a printing company. On the way there, I hitched a ride in a taxi with a malay driver. He talked to me about getting old, how he has no time for exercise anymore. When I asked him why, he told me "you know the new X BOX 360..I go home etc etc and then after that I play for a few hours" ...That conversation I managed to handle well. It was in english. Now, it was the ride back that was weird.

This taxi driver was a semi senior citizen. Apparently here's a snippet of what I could make out.
Now picture this scenario: I'd just boarded a taxi on a dark and rainy day (as horror movies go)

*Conversation has been translated into english as I best could so the grammer could be off *

Taxi Driver (TD): Ah boy, where do you want go?
Me: Maybank Tower please
TD: Where?
Me: Maybank Tower...2 battery road
TD: Where?
Me: Beside Fullerton hotel.
TD: Eh...wher....Ohhh...I know I know..

After a short peaceful silence.
TD: What you doing now?
Me: Part time job. Waiting for uni.
TD: Where?
Me: Australia.
TD: Good good..Singapore Uni horrible. Only know how to do from book. No book all die
(I kinda agreed with his point so I went)
Me: Yup

But that was only the tip of the ice berg

TD: Last time, I worked as an technician, the new supervisor. Just come from uni. Want to act big (followed by a whole line of expletives) want to do this do that. Everything also dunno. I work so long already, if I dunno how to fix, you think he know?....(noticing my silence, he tries to be nice and include me in) Right or not boy?
Me: Uh..right right..
TD: Yah man..aiyah...those singapore uni graduates...all idiots.

This was followed by another long story about how his manager decided to listen to the supervisor and so he quit, then the manager tried to hire him again but he proudly refused..then on to how he managed to change a black and white tv to a color tv by himself. etc etc etc..and don't forget..he's speaking dialect..so I couldn't really understand or answer him....

I tried to change to conversation by going:
Me: Raining Heavily...Good weather to sleep.
TD: Yah.....You got girlfriend?
Me: Nope..no time.
TD: Wasted..This kind of weather, sleep with girl is the BEST!!
Me: Errr.....ok.....

Now, this is where I got too much information.
TD: The other day I go to the doctor for check up. He say my sperm count very bad...
He then rubbed his two fingers together like he was having a sample there and said
TD: The doctor said like water..asked me if I was a playboy when I was young. Of course lah. young not playboy, wait for old then play what right?
Me: Ok then....
TD: Then ah...I tell you...
ME: Uncle..We're at Fullerton already. PLEASE turn in...

I don't need such information man...if it was a hot chick, I'd probably try to get her number while she's ranting..but an aging old taxi driver..man....such things don't just leave you alone..they come back to haunt you in the middle of the night when your lying there trying to fall asleep....

Posted on 11/15/2006 by <$The One$>